


i would stay like this forever, if i could

by reeyachan



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Drabble Collection, Emotional Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Killugon - Freeform, Light Angst, M/M, Prompt Fic, Separations, angst and light angst whichever you feel it is, yup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:07:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27067618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reeyachan/pseuds/reeyachan
Summary: It felt as though it had been a long, long time since he laughed like this, since his shoulders juggled freely like this, easy, peaceful--loose arms around his stomach, sweet, hearty cackles from his throat.Would it be possible to hold it in his arms and never let go? Would it be possible to have a little more time, to keep this going for a few more hours, a few more days?
Relationships: Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 8
Kudos: 30





	i would stay like this forever, if i could

**Author's Note:**

> This was a triggered by a prompt from a list we have to help massage our brains for creative outputs.
> 
> Prompt: "I would stay like this forever, if I could."

_ I would stay like this forever, if I could. _

It felt as though it had been a long, long time since he laughed like this, since his shoulders juggled freely like this, easy, peaceful--loose arms around his stomach, sweet, hearty cackles from his throat.

Bliss. Pure, unadulterated bliss.

It felt surreal. It felt like a dream, a miracle, a place where he did not want to wake up from, a place he refused to depart. He wanted to own it, to keep the sunshine in his pocket, warm, safe and sound; where no one could take it away.

Would it be possible to hold it in his arms and never let go? Would it be possible to have a little more time, to keep this going for a few more hours, a few more days?

Would it be possible to preserve something that wasn't his?

"You'll be okay?"

What was that question even about? Killua must be kidding, offering nonsensical rhetorics in another attempt at joshing. He must be messing with him, because at that point he should have known, at that point he should have sensed it, seen it through his honeyed eyes and crestfallen smile, felt it in his bones. 

_ No. _

_ I don't think I'll ever be after this. _

"Yeah, I guess. Don't worry about me. Will you?"  _ Are you? _ "Will you be okay?"

Drums in his temples, lump in his throat, fire in his chest. He must be losing his mind, headpiece distorted, reasoning twisted. How could he wish for a non placet? How, when all he ever wanted was for Killua to be alright, could he wish for him to say that he's not, that his heart ached at the sight of him, that his fingers quivered at the thought of touching his hand?

_ Please. _

_ Please don't smile at me like that. _

"Yeah, I'll be fine."

Dissatisfaction tasted like metal on his lips as he pressed them, inhaling away the puddle in his eyelashes, holding his breath to try and feel his pulsating chest. The blade inside of it was sharp; slicing, slow and teasing, voice cracking.

"Killua."

A smile might ease it. Forged, but still.

"Hm?"

Should he reveal the words he had been meaning to say? Should he express emotions he had hid for the longest time?  _ Killua, crystal blue, sparkling sea, starry night sky, I want to keep you. Be with me. Stay forever. _

_ Please. _

_ Don't leave. _

No, it would not be fair, it would not be just. How could he have attempted to resurrect something with the same weapon he had used to break it? Words wouldn't work. Not a thing would work.

Not even himself.

If only he was brave enough, he would not turn a heel, he would not turn away, he would not break free from his gaze.  _ I would stay like this forever, if I could. _

A smile--forged, but it's okay. It's okay.

"See you around."

"You too."


End file.
